Mcluskyism or how Andy Falkous made me grow up to be a complete cunt

"The last musician that came to my house brought a Belle & Sebastian record, so I haven't invited any back since"
-Andy Falkous

Go back four years, an awkward, spotty thirteen year old kid had just purchased a record entitled "Mclusky Do Dallas" on a whim. He'd go home, take it out of it's wrapper and throw it in his stereo with no expectations for what he was about to hear. He sat at his desk, lit up a cigarette and listened to the drum opening to "Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues". Suddenly the whole thing took off. It was a mutant of a noise and something so different to the bad diet of third rate hip-hop and generic metal that he'd become used to. The singer was dishing out such fantastically nonsensical lines as "I'm fearful/I'm fearful/I'm fearful of flying/and flying is fearful of me" over music so heavy and vicious it made his Pantera records look completely pussified. Of course it carried on, "What We've learned" sounded so spiteful yet melodic to his young mind and "Dethink To Survive" was so raw and untamed. The opening lyrics to "Gareth Brown Says" made him laugh so hard. Even the slow and semi slow tracks, "Fuck This Band" the former and "Alan Is A Cowboy Killer" the latter, had an overwhelming sense of pure snide mockery dripping out of every off-key note. It would be quite easy to call Mclusky an interesting mix between Pixies and Big Black, but at the time that barely pubescent kid's mind was well and truly blown.

Unless you're a complete fucking dingbat, you should have figured out that the above paragraph was me talking about my own experiences. It's been four years since I discovered Mclusky and nearly one and a half since they split up. As I've said countless times before, it broke my heart and just when I'd finally gotten over it they release a three disc best of collection and remind me exactly why I used to be such a dirty little fanboy for this band. The live recording on the C sides disc has to have one of the best insult I've heard from a band:

Heckler: Why does your drummer play like a fucking pussy?
Falkous: We all know when you were at home putting on your gel you felt important.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the above quote was Mclusky's one statement and one message. They were a set of snide, ugly bastards who were articulate, witty and cruel enough to cause all the other snide, ugly bastards to rally around them and to allow Mclusky to act as the musical voice for everyone who enjoys picking on people not because said people are weak or dumb but because they're so full of hot air that making fun of them becomes an absolute joy.

Mclusky - Undress For Success
Mclusky - Rope!
Mclusky - Cradling

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